Hi angie,
How do your kids feel about aquariums? As a child, I loved going to Sea Life Park...They offer a "Sea Life Luau". It's great for families. You never mentioned when you'd be on Oahu, so you can check this
link to see if there'll be one going on when you're there.
If that doesn't suit you, then there's always the popular Paradise Cove Luau. They've got a few different packages and I believe one of them may have transportation included. You can check them out
HERE.
As for Maui, I hear the Old Lahaina Luau is the most authentic one. I have yet to experience it but have heard great things. Check out their site
HERE. They've got explanations for the events that night.
Hope you enjoy your trip around Hawai'i! Sounds like it'll be fun.